May 2011
1 post
April 2011
1 post
March 2011
2 posts
February 2011
1 post
December 2010
2 posts
2 tags
November 2010
3 posts
“Finally the Canadian Maple glaze: This was good. This was seriously good. This...”
– I happened upon this horrifying sentence on a food-oriented blog after idly Googling “Canadian Maple donut” because Vicky and I were talking about them. If you didn’t know, Canadian Maple donuts at Tim Hortons are the best donuts ever invented. It’s like a Boston Creme donut,...
October 2010
6 posts
PR Email of the Day
Subject line: Flublog Kills Them All
Opening line: “My name is Lizard McGee and I play in a band called Earwig.”
September 2010
1 post
August 2010
3 posts
July 2010
2 posts
June 2010
7 posts
Yesterday I was at the library and happened to be looking at Finder and saw some shared folders on other people’s laptops. One of them was “David Raper’s MacBook Pro.” I immediately thought “Wow, I’m very glad my surname is not Raper.” And then I keep thinking about it. Well, at least it is not David Rapist. I imagine he’s constantly having to say...
May 2010
4 posts
When Baldacci Is On Fire
Victoria: When Baldacci's on fire, everyone stands around wondering if they should do something.
Matthew: When Baldacci's on fire, he is in fact MADE OF FLAMES, like the Human Torch from the Fantastic Four.
Victoria: When Baldacci's on fire, you need to carry him to another Baldacci and use him to light them on fire. It's how the Baldacci Torch Relay works.
Matthew: When Baldacci's on fire, he burns to ashes, and from those ashes, a phoenix shall emerge.
Victoria: When Baldacci's on fire, he's protesting unfair treatment of monks in Burma.
Matthew: When Baldacci's on fire, he is actually just trying to pick up hunky firefighters. Oh, Baldacci!
Victoria: When Baldacci's on fire, he wants you to say "Baldacci's en fuego!" Don't indulge him.
Chris: When Baldacci is on fire, he is a green-friendly alternative to gas-fired home heating systems.
Victoria: When Baldacci's on fire....is Baldacci on fire again? Bad Baldacci! Bad!
Slow Cooker Pulled Pork
pork shoulder (half or full, depending on how much you want to make — increase rest of ingredients slightly for full shoulder, but don’t double amounts.) 1 large onion 1 ts chili powder 1 ts cumin 1 ts paprika 1 tbs red pepper flakes 1 ts ground ginger 1 tbs thyme 2 bay leaves 2 cloves garlic 1/4 cup brown sugar 3 tbs worcestershire sauce 1/3 cup chicken stock coarse salt pepper olive...
“Stop feigning interest in holidays that are stressful, overrated, or some...”
– “Tiny Defiances” by Mary Phillips-Sandy
April 2010
2 posts
“What a strange crossroads we find ourselves at in this 21st century, where...”
– Erik, responding to a ridiculous PR email I forwarded to him.
Meatball Pranks
Matthew: I am not a Subway fan at all, especially not for meatballs
meatballs are a special food to me, my grandmother made them so well
I get mad at bad meatballs
Chris: meatball pranks are a cherished family tradition
every Columbus Day, you hide meatballs around the neighborhood
Matthew: YOU GOT MEATBALL PRANKED
THOSE ARE NOT REALLY YOUR TESTICLES
Chris: "I thought you said this was a chicken caesar salad!"
"NOPE IT'S MEATBALLS PAINTED LIKE LETTUCE"
March 2010
2 posts
February 2010
5 posts
Matthew: JUSH!
What's happening, brothah?
Josh: Desmond???
Matthew: That's right. I am like the Desmond Hume of this shit! The wild card!
Josh: Shakin' things up with your Scottish brogue, traveling through time, snatching up the daughters of wealthy industrialists.
Matthew: Sitting in a room for years at a time!
Josh: A small sacrifice.
Matthew: I wish we didn't have to wait however long to get more Desmond. He's not a regular this season, but he's coming back. When Desmond is back, you know it's on.
Josh: That's true. He's a catalyst.
Matthew: That is typically his role, yes.
Josh: And a vehicle of ROMANCE.
Matthew: Beards, kisses, and time shifts.
Josh: That sums it up perfectly.
Matthew: If you throw in "lies" and "giant bottles of ranch dressing" that is a description of the show in general.
Josh: If someone knew nothing about the show and you said it was about those five things, how could they deny it?
Brisket, Corn and Black Bean Chili
1 lb brisket 8 jalapeno peppers 1 large onion 1 can corn 2 cans black beans 2 cans diced tomatoes 1 bunch cilantro 1 bottle lager beer 3 cloves garlic cumin cayenne pepper chili powder bay leaf oregano honey olive oil red pepper flakes salt and pepper
1. Chop brisket into small cubes. Brown in skillet, do not cook through! 2. Chop garlic, peppers and onions, sautee in olive oil with salt,...
January 2010
6 posts
Matthew: now that the works of Yeats and Freud are in the public domain, what are you gonna do?
Chris: some totally sick mash-up albums
like, THE GREY ALBUM but for psychosexual romanticism
Matthew: I think I'm gonna publish a version of Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality and just include lots of crude dick drawings with the text
you know, like Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
but this is just the same thing but with dick drawings
Chris: you should republish one of them with the words "id," "ego," and "superego" replaced with "knockers," "hoo-hah," and "quim"
Matthew: yeah, that can be done.
December 2009
8 posts
Kids Parties « Dave's Soda and Pet City →
My favorite thing about this page is the list of “Dave’s Designer Duds” for stuffed animals. Sweaters! Cargo pants! Gardening outfit! Panties! Even in the context of stuffed animals, should the word “panties” ever be a part of a child’s party, especially one at a store specializing in pet food and soda pop?